Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
