dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
