just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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