My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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