Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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