What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
