guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
