its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere