just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
