I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
