return my video game
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just cut my nipple shaving
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
