WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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