No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
