I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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