Nicole vs. Life
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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