If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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