Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
