I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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