I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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