well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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