i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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