Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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