The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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