I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
