Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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