i was rollin on her like bob the builder
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
