I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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