someone threw a dead crab at me
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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