So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
