I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize