Where is the hickey?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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