Can i not drive my cunt home
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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