My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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