Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
