i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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