just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You may now shotgun with the bride
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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