Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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