The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
vagina is talking i cant
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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