I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
