sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
