Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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