Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
