im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
