Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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