what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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