Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
