it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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