I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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