i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I AM VODKA MAN
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
