Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
