the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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