You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
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I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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