Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
