I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
