Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
