if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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