Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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