Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
there is glitter all over my balls
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
